Christopher’s Internet Affliction

I like hot sauce. I like it a lot! But, sadly, I’ve been given a nervous stomach, so, I must be careful with the goods. And I don’t like it too hot, either, I like it with flavor! But, given as hot sauce and so much extra heat sells a lot better than the foodie-grade stuff, (I blame football and frat boys) I, once again, decided to make my own. This is one of my oldest projects, having been refined over the years, and some still sing the praises of my ‘green sauce’, which I made up in 2001. It’s something I’ve gotten to be very creative with, and that’s what I hope to inspire with this writing.

More after the jump..

Okay!

You’re going to need some things. I’m keeping this really loose- I want you to taste, add, experiment.. but, I’ll tell you of a few things that I learned the hard way.

1. Wear latex gloves. DO NOT TOUCH EYE. I got habernero stuck in my contacts once. Way to go, brainiac.

2. Vinegar and salt raises the heat of the sauce. More salt, more heat.

Getting started:
Gather up these few things..

Food processor

Peppers of various heats, get what you like.. I prefer mostly Jalapeno, with Chipolte in equal quantities. Get what you like.

Salt, vinegar. The vinegar will act as a preservative, so this is important. Salt boosts the Scoville rating, but adding a little is good, As it will also aid in preservation.

A plastic or glass container, with tight fitting lid.

Jars to hold the final product.. duh.. be green and recycle whatever’s handy, or be an earth-hating perfectionist like me and buy new ones.

a SPOOOOON! (ala The Tick)

Ph Testing strips: You can get these at the aquarium store. Make sure that they can test below 4.0 on the scale, because that’s when the bad stuff happens- A Ph level of 4 or above is not sanitary and breeds bacteria. Sick diners and exploding bottles are not fun. The lower the number, the tarter it becomes, so, it’s a balancing act- but this is very, very important.

And the extras: You can use all sorts of neat stuff to give your sauce a new sort of kick.. In Florida, when tropical things abounded and farmer’s markets were everyday, I’d use fresh ginger, mangoes, big ol’ banana peppers, whatever looked good. Follow your instincts on this one, alright? I’ve also added wine, bruised fresh herbs, whatever you think will go well with it.. come up with an idea, and follow it- I’ve used a Chianti and basil in the past, with some not-so-hot peppers, and it came out wonderfully. Also, another idea is to use some very, very raw sugar or molasses, too. Garlic, always welcome, just use your brain, okay? And mind the darn Ph!

SO NOW.. you have stuff.

Cut the stems off the peppers, puree.. add to largeish glass container- DO NOT USE METAL. It’ll leave a nasty taste. Throw in a tablespoon or so of salt, to start, and enough vinegar to get down to the below-4 ph level.

Now, you let them sit and ‘ferment’ a while. Tabasco lets their “pepper mash” (which is what you’ve just made) sit for three years. As with most things, the longer the better. This would also be an ideal time to throw in some herbs, garlic, and such. I usually try to let it sit for a week, at least. Or not wait. It’s your sauce, baby.

So, now you have your mash all ready to go.  You could go pretty nutty with the additives, or just try a few different ideas.. let’s not overkill, alright? Just mind the damn Ph! After you do all that, time to prep your bottles. I give them a good boil, personally. Now, you have a choice- to strain, or not to strain? Straining takes out a lot of the seeds, and the heat, leaving more for flavor. I’m not a strainer. I’m lazy.

Funnel into bottles, seal up, hit up kinkos and make some labels, make them as nice as my pretty floral bonnet, and there you go. Enjoy!

If you’re lazier than me: You can order pepper mash & your bottles with neato heatshrink labels and other goodies at leeners.com. (Hey, Leener’s guys! Send over a yogurt maker or a stovetop smoker!)