More after the jump..

Okay!

You’re going to need some things. I’m keeping this really loose- I want you to taste, add, experiment.. but, I’ll tell you of a few things that I learned the hard way.

1. Wear latex gloves. DO NOT TOUCH EYE. I got habernero stuck in my contacts once. Way to go, brainiac.

2. Vinegar and salt raises the heat of the sauce. More salt, more heat.

Getting started:
Gather up these few things..

Food processor

Peppers of various heats, get what you like.. I prefer mostly Jalapeno, with Chipolte in equal quantities. Get what you like.

Salt, vinegar. The vinegar will act as a preservative, so this is important. Salt boosts the Scoville rating, but adding a little is good, As it will also aid in preservation.

A plastic or glass container, with tight fitting lid.

Jars to hold the final product.. duh.. be green and recycle whatever’s handy, or be an earth-hating perfectionist like me and buy new ones.

a SPOOOOON! (ala The Tick)

Ph Testing strips: You can get these at the aquarium store. Make sure that they can test below 4.0 on the scale, because that’s when the bad stuff happens- A Ph level of 4 or above is not sanitary and breeds bacteria. Sick diners and exploding bottles are not fun. The lower the number, the tarter it becomes, so, it’s a balancing act- but this is very, very important.

And the extras: You can use all sorts of neat stuff to give your sauce a new sort of kick.. In Florida, when tropical things abounded and farmer’s markets were everyday, I’d use fresh ginger, mangoes, big ol’ banana peppers, whatever looked good. Follow your instincts on this one, alright? I’ve also added wine, bruised fresh herbs, whatever you think will go well with it.. come up with an idea, and follow it- I’ve used a Chianti and basil in the past, with some not-so-hot peppers, and it came out wonderfully. Also, another idea is to use some very, very raw sugar or molasses, too. Garlic, always welcome, just use your brain, okay? And mind the darn Ph!

SO NOW.. you have stuff.

Cut the stems off the peppers, puree.. add to largeish glass container- DO NOT USE METAL. It’ll leave a nasty taste. Throw in a tablespoon or so of salt, to start, and enough vinegar to get down to the below-4 ph level.

Now, you let them sit and ‘ferment’ a while. Tabasco lets their “pepper mash” (which is what you’ve just made) sit for three years. As with most things, the longer the better. This would also be an ideal time to throw in some herbs, garlic, and such. I usually try to let it sit for a week, at least. Or not wait. It’s your sauce, baby.

So, now you have your mash all ready to go.  You could go pretty nutty with the additives, or just try a few different ideas.. let’s not overkill, alright? Just mind the damn Ph! After you do all that, time to prep your bottles. I give them a good boil, personally. Now, you have a choice- to strain, or not to strain? Straining takes out a lot of the seeds, and the heat, leaving more for flavor. I’m not a strainer. I’m lazy.

Funnel into bottles, seal up, hit up kinkos and make some labels, make them as nice as my pretty floral bonnet, and there you go. Enjoy!

If you’re lazier than me: You can order pepper mash & your bottles with neato heatshrink labels and other goodies at leeners.com. (Hey, Leener’s guys! Send over a yogurt maker or a stovetop smoker!)

Of course, if you’ve been reading for any length of time, or know me personally, You already know I’m all about the do it yourself ethic, and especially with food- I really enjoy making everything from scratch. I think my one big “pass!” is with pie crusts- and I think anyone who’s tried to make one from scratch agrees. I’ll gladly fork over two dollars to the man for the convenience of not having to make the things myself! Anyhow, Here’s the buttercream frosting recipe from Magnolia Bakery in NYC- easily the simplest, and best, icing recipe I’ve found. As always, my usual caveat- use poor quality ingredients, get poor quality food. Also, keep in mind that you can easily make this recipe with all hand utensils, I don’t own a blender! And with cupcakes, have even MORE fun with them! That big honkin’ photo to the right is a batch I made- The raspberries, blueberries, and shaved dark chocolate (Freeze the bar, shave with veggie peeler) added a nice touch of bitterness, which was lovely, with all the sugar involved. This is one of those things you can just hop right into and take anywhere you want! By the way, this is the stuff immortalized in the “Lazy Sunday” Saturday Night Live short skit.

Recipe after the jump!

Magnolia Bakery’s Buttercream Frosting Recipe!

Makes enough for one 2-layer 9-inch cake or 2 dozen cupcakes*

• 1 cup (2 sticks) unsalted butter, softened

• 6 to 8 cups confectioners’ sugar

• 1/2 cup milk

• 2 teaspoons vanilla extract

Place the butter in a large mixing bowl. Add 4 cups of the sugar and then the milk and vanilla. On the medium speed of an electric mixer, beat until smooth and creamy, about 3-5 minutes. Gradually add the remaining sugar, 1 cup at a time, beating well after each addition (about 2 minutes), until the icing is thick enough to be of good spreading consistency. You may not need to add all of the sugar. If desired, add a few drops of food coloring and mix thoroughly. (Use and store the icing at room temperature because icing will set if chilled.) Icing can be stored in an airtight container for up to 3 days.

* Note from Chris: Add extra powdered sugar to make a stiffer frosting, if needed. It works both ways! And don’t chill it until after it’s on your baking. Otherwise, you’re in trouble!

I like good popcorn, just like everyone else! So, microwaved popcorn doesn’t really do it for me- butter makes it mushy, and it’s rather icky and expensive, too! Not to mention all of the unpronounceable chemicals that are in it. So, I kick it old school- I get the soup pot out, and make some really tasty, healthy popcorn for my snacking needs!

My favorite combo right now is using an infused olive oil (garlic!) and a nice blend from The Spice House, a local spice shop. I like their Lakeshore Drive Seasoning best, and their Old Taylor Street Cheese Sprinkle sits nicely, too, but I’d skip the infused oil on that.

Recipe and kettle corn after the jump!

Okay! Here’s your recipe, culled, tested, and fudged about to give good results. (I actually forget where I got this from! Sorry!

1. Heat oil over medium heat in a large pot with a tightfitting lid. When the oil shimmers, add the kernels and sugar, cover, and shake to evenly distribute. Once the kernels start popping, gently shake the pot until the popping dies down, about 2 to 3 minutes.
2. Remove the pot from heat, immediately toss the popcorn with the salt, and serve.

How hard can it get, really? I can only imagine how great this would be with some vanilla sugar, or hickory salt.. those little tweaks are what makes cooking so fun! So, quit spending so much on craptastic microwave popcorn- Sometimes, the old way’s the best way!

What you need:

1. Clear glass wine bottles, with cork.

2. Olive Oil. Wait for a sale, and buy in bulk! Get the best you can afford.

3. Herbs and spices! Fresh is nice, but dried will do. I suggest garlic, your green leafy herbs, and I also had good results with dried Italian seasoning. Just don’t add salts or anything powdery.

And there you go, really. Just add your herbs to the bottle after a good bruising, and label & cork. Set in your rack for at least six weeks, the longer being the better. You can stretch it out a bit by adding fresh olive oil after you’ve used a bit, but of course, the herbs only have enough oil to go so far. Also, adding the ‘born on’ date to your label is very helpful! These also look very nice, by they way- a wonderful ‘functional decoration’ for your counter, perhaps? In any case, use how you would any other olive oil, but I suggest saving it for when the taste of the olive oil will be appreciated. Bread, salads, just on pasta, and actually, popcorn! are my favorite applications for this stuff. Have fun!

What You’ll Need:

1. A nice essential oil, or Tiger Balm. This is up to you! Use what you like.

2. The following ingredients: Cocoa butter, Shea butter, and Beeswax. Get a little more cocoa butter.

3. A double-boiler- you know, that thing you use in the kitchen to melt chocolate. If you don’t have one, a heavy pyrex mesuring cup in a pot of boiling water will work the same.

4. A suitable mold. A plastic container will work fine. Be sure to use just a little olive oil to ensure that you can get your bar out easily

What to do:

Firstly, BE CAREFUL!!! You’re melting OILS here.

That aside, it’s not my fault if you start a fire or burn yourself. Be safe! Anyhow, melt one part beeswax, one part shea butter, and 1.5 parts Cocoa butter together. After that, add a few drops of your oil in there.. start off with a little, a drop per ounce. This will vary with the strength of your oil. Pour into container, let cool.

You’re done. How easy was that? And from here, you can get creative with it- add more cocoa butter for a softer bar, more beeswax for a harder bar, tiger balm for a muscle soreness remedy, and even decorative elements like flower petals and such. Have fun! (psst! try dried Adzuki beans for texture!!)

Okay, so it’s no big secret that I don’t drink alcohol. But, that doesn’t prevent me from serving wine at dinners, and using it in cooking. There’s something about dumping a bunch of Merlot into a beef stew that makes it just makes it good. But, I do get stuck with partial bottles of wine, and it’s also no secret that one of my pet peeves is wasting food. By the way, Tom, from NYC, taught me this one, along with a lot of other great cooking stuff.

So, what’s a guy to do? Make some wine vinegar! Ok, this is very very simple: Get one of those liquid dispensers with the tap at the bottom. Get a couple pints of unpasteurized apple cider vinegar. You’ll have to order this online, likely. A bit of cheesecloth or an old but clean t-shirt to allow gases out, but keep the uglies out, too. Mix it all up, about 1 part vinegar to 2 parts wine. Let it sit undisurbed for a few weeks, give a taste, let it sit more, if needed. When you’re done, bottle it back up into a wine bottle, recork, and even bruise & infuse with some nice, fresh herbs. And then, marvel at the excellent quality, and the amount of cash you saved yourself. And for crying out loud, have some fun with it! try different things, herbs, whatever- this will work for champagne, too! I seriously have a dozen different bottles right now. Also, it makes an excellent small gift, when bottled in a fancy bottle with your own label.

PS: When you’re making the vinegar, a messy jelly thing may just appear on top. THIS IS GOOD. Don’t get all squirmy and come back to me all cranky because there’s a jellyfish in your wine. Just decant the wine vinegar, add more scrap wine. The goo is bacteria that’s making the process go.